I have thought and pondered about this topic. I cringe at the thought of any of this being considered normal. While I have never been a “hugger,” I believe I will become one. I love people. I love being able to spend time with people and talk about what is going on. I enjoy being in a big group. I love people. I love people.
I feel isolated at home, even though my kids are here. I sit at a kitchen glass table with a laptop and my iPad and attempt to conduct business. Know that I spend a lot of time looking over portfolios and attempting my very best during the day, but I miss looking at a client face-to-face. I did not change careers to opt for kitchen table work. I enjoy the nervousness I felt before a market update at the local restaurant. I enjoyed the feeling of surprise on someone asking me a question. I am being authentic here; I miss people.
I think about God a lot during this. Last year was a rough year for us only in the aspect of that my husband was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. Processing that took so much time and a lot of prayer. I have so many whys and so many hows for Him to answer one day. I reach out for camaraderie among Christians and looking for the real deal. I don’t need another Bible study about how to handle fear and how to handle grief. I just need to know how to know God more. Not the God that someone interprets for me or the God that someone has recently given up on (Jon Steingard). I admire his honesty, but does he know the God that I know? How could I ever walk away from the same God knowing all the things He has miraculously walked me through? I know He is here right now with me. Even if Jeff had had the worst news. Even if he gets the worst news down the road. It’s not a contingent love based on a perfect life. I just know. Isn’t that faith that CS Lewis wrote of?
So why does God allow suffering and the chaos of something like this “new abnormal” I am supposed to embrace. I know that God has a purpose… and He will use this for His glory. I use a very primitive explanation of how I rationalize these concepts. It goes like this… Yes, the Bible is the word of God. I struggle with interpretations like KJV, NIV, etc… because they aren’t the original text. I think it matters. But, I also use this argument. Here I am. A human. I have a human’s brain. How can I, with this brain, begin to rationalize God? Wouldn’t I need something a bit more perfect to do that?
My thought is the new abnormal will pass. I do not believe this is normal or will ever be normal.
veritable faith 